An Epic Dust Dictionary

Above Snakes--  Alive.
Accord--  Harmony.
Accordion--  An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
Acknowledge the corn--  Admit the truth.
Actually--  Perhaps, possibly.
Adam's Ale--  Water.
Air--  A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
Alien--  An American sovereign in his probationary state.
Art--  This word has no definition.
At Sea--  Lost, don't understand.
Bar Dog--  Bartender.
Beauty--  The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Beef--  To kill.
Birth--  The first and direst of all disasters.
Born days--  Lifetime.
Confidence--Something you feel before you fully comprehend the situation.
Dance--To leap about to the sound of tittering music preferably with arms about your neighbors wife or daughter.
Diary--  A daily record of that part of one's life which she can relate to herself without blushing.
Epitaph--  An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
Faith--  Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Flag--  A colored rag.
Gallows--  A stage for the performance of miracle plays which the leading actor is translated into heaven.
In'ards--The stomach, heart, soul and other bowels.
Lunarian--  An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits.
Manicheism--  The Ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between good and evil, when good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious opposition.
Misfortune--  The kind of fortune that never misses.
Noise--  A stench in the ear.
November--  The eleventh twelfth of weariness.
Opiate--  An unlocked door to the prison of identity.
Peace--  In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Plagiarize--  To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.
Reality--  The dream of a mad philosopher.
Redskin--  A North American Indian, whose skin is not red-at least not on the outside.
Sage Hen--  Woman
Sparkle Up--  To hasten.
Twice--  Once too often.

Definitions mostly from Ambrose Bierce, that strange Westerner who vanished into thin Mexican air.